What Cars Should Hulk Hogan Buy?

"PatBateman" (PatBateman) 11/02/2016 at 13:35 • Filed to: Hulkamania

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It was just announced that Gawker has !!!error: Indecipherable SUB-paragraph formatting!!! for $31 Million (pronounced “meeeely-yun”). With all that extra dough (let’s call it $20MM, after attorney fees), what kind of car should he buy?

Maybe a new Viper? Probably not a Supra, as his son got into some trouble a few years ago with one of those. How about a nice new red McLaren 675LT with yellow rims? Nothing says “class” like that color combination does (please refer to the Viper in the picture as irrefutable proof to this fact).

Tell me, former Gawkerites in-laws, what is the best car(s) for The Hulkster’s stable?

Smallbear wants a modern Syclone, local Maple Leafs spammer > PatBateman 11/02/2016 at 13:38

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Viper is the only possible Hulk car

crowmolly > PatBateman 11/02/2016 at 13:39

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Future planning- an accessible van. They are pretty expensive.

The dude is seriously in rough shape. I doubt his back could take the abuse of any sports car with a hard suspension/low profile tires.

For Sweden > PatBateman 11/02/2016 at 13:40

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From $140.1 million to $31 million?

Hogan got robbed!

EL_ULY > PatBateman 11/02/2016 at 13:40

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2016, the year when 2 very orange human-bungholes had great victories

I vote something convertible so both his bald head and blonde hair could flow in the wind

PatBateman > Smallbear wants a modern Syclone, local Maple Leafs spammer 11/02/2016 at 13:42

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The OFFICIAL Hulk Car, yes, but he’s allowed some unofficial whips.

sm70- why not Duesenberg? > PatBateman 11/02/2016 at 13:42

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Hellcat, 6x6 G-Wagon, Henessey Escalade

PatBateman > crowmolly 11/02/2016 at 13:42

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My father in-law has one. Used, he bought it for $50k. They ain’t cheap.

Probenja > PatBateman 11/02/2016 at 13:43

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Any Dartz custom themed SUV.

http://dartz.us

http://truckyeah.jalopnik.com/dartz-promises-new-suv-that-will-fuck-rolls-royce-big-c-1787628194#_ga=1.85661082.229510064.1471308186

EL_ULY > For Sweden 11/02/2016 at 13:43

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Rigged!

Smallbear wants a modern Syclone, local Maple Leafs spammer > PatBateman 11/02/2016 at 13:44

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no.

PatBateman > For Sweden 11/02/2016 at 13:44

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A jury could award him $100 BILLION if they want, but that doesn’t mean the defendant can actually pay that amount.

It’s better to get 25% of the original award than 100% of nothing.

crowmolly > PatBateman 11/02/2016 at 13:44

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Yeah, I think Automatch Tom had a post or two about them a while back. Buy the van and then add the price of another van on top.

PatBateman > sm70- why not Duesenberg? 11/02/2016 at 13:45

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All of the above is the correct answer.

Shamoononon drives like a farmer > PatBateman 11/02/2016 at 13:45

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Whatever he buys, it should go to me.

OPPOsaurus WRX > PatBateman 11/02/2016 at 13:46

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edit: i guess I should have read your whole post....

how about this then?

PatBateman > Probenja 11/02/2016 at 13:47

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I’d hoon the shit out of those and not even care what everyone would assume about the size of my penis.

PatBateman > crowmolly 11/02/2016 at 13:48

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YUP.

HammerheadFistpunch > PatBateman 11/02/2016 at 13:48

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Attorney fees...wasn’t that already covered by thiel ?

PatBateman > Shamoononon drives like a farmer 11/02/2016 at 13:48

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Hulkamania doesn’t work that way.

For Sweden > PatBateman 11/02/2016 at 13:48

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Wage garnishment until Nick dies!

HammerheadFistpunch > PatBateman 11/02/2016 at 13:49

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can confirm, we had to buy a new one for my dad, but we were able to resell for a good price.

PatBateman > OPPOsaurus WRX 11/02/2016 at 13:49

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Cursed Porsche > Killer Supra

PatBateman > HammerheadFistpunch 11/02/2016 at 13:52

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Maybe. Lawsuit finance usually means that a third party (Thiel) bankrolls the operation until settlement is reached. Then, when 1/3 of the settlement goes to the attorney, the fees plus a vig goes to the financier.

PatBateman > For Sweden 11/02/2016 at 13:53

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Nick probably wouldn’t like that too much.

PatBateman > HammerheadFistpunch 11/02/2016 at 13:54

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My FIL bought his two year ago for $50k. MIL passed away three months ago, haven’t been offered more than $26k for it yet.

HammerheadFistpunch > PatBateman 11/02/2016 at 13:56

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ouch. I think we lost 7k over a year and a half but thats not the worst thing.

For Sweden > PatBateman 11/02/2016 at 13:56

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Nick grew up under socialism, he will understand

SidewaysOnDirt still misses Bowie > PatBateman 11/02/2016 at 13:58

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So it was just another brilliant Thiel investment?

PatBateman > HammerheadFistpunch 11/02/2016 at 13:58

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Yeah, we aren’t happy about the car situation right now. I think I can get $36k for it if I try to sell it myself. However, that’s hard to do, considering its with him.

SidewaysOnDirt still misses Bowie > PatBateman 11/02/2016 at 13:59

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Who cares what Nick likes?

HammerheadFistpunch > For Sweden 11/02/2016 at 13:59

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I can’t have my wages garnishied 

Wacko > PatBateman 11/02/2016 at 14:01

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am i doing this right

PatBateman > SidewaysOnDirt still misses Bowie 11/02/2016 at 14:04

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Quite possibly, yes.

PatBateman > SidewaysOnDirt still misses Bowie 11/02/2016 at 14:05

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Probably Nick.

PatBateman > Wacko 11/02/2016 at 14:06

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It’s an objective question, so you betcha.

Future next gen S2000 owner > PatBateman 11/02/2016 at 14:22

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So after taxes, he have 10-15 mil?

Future next gen S2000 owner > PatBateman 11/02/2016 at 14:22

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Screw over the people who outed you and make a profit, not too shabby.

PatBateman > Future next gen S2000 owner 11/02/2016 at 14:28

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No taxes.

Dusty Ventures > crowmolly 11/02/2016 at 14:28

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In that case I vote for a sports car with hard suspension/low profile tires

PatBateman > Future next gen S2000 owner 11/02/2016 at 14:28

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Bling bling! Say whatever you want about the man, he’s smart.

Sam > Future next gen S2000 owner 11/02/2016 at 14:45

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Honestly, I’d do the same thing if I were in his position. But really, both sides were shitheads in their own unique ways.

Future next gen S2000 owner > PatBateman 11/02/2016 at 14:49

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You don’t pay taxes on money from a settlement?

Demon-Xanth knows how to operate a street. > Wacko 11/02/2016 at 14:52

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The Corvair has been proven safe in congress. Dymaxion cars however, they killed their own creator!

PatBateman > Future next gen S2000 owner 11/02/2016 at 15:28

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It depends on how the settlement is classified. If they are compensatory, they generally are not taxable. If they are punitive, then they are generally taxable.

Wacko > Demon-Xanth knows how to operate a street. 11/02/2016 at 16:09

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then I’ll take the Corvair, he’s stuck with the pinto.

PS9 > PatBateman 11/02/2016 at 17:13

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All the remaining MKIV supras so his son can fulfill his mission in destroying them all.

DrScientist > PatBateman 11/03/2016 at 19:22

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not to be that guy, but i think you mean subjective. right?

PatBateman > DrScientist 11/03/2016 at 19:35

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Well shit.

Yup.